my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
