my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
