Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
