like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
