I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
