he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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