did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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