In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
zippers are such a cool invention
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
