do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
