we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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