I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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