My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
