How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We just shotgunned beers for America
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
