My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
