you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
