She even gives head with a lisp.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
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I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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