ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
