Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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