How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize