I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
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Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
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