Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
