Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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