dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
