Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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