i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
