No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
