the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
