why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
