I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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