I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
