I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
