i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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