So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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