remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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