At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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