is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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