So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
