i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
