i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
