I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize