the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize