i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
