Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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