I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
