Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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