don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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