please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
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I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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