Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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