Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
