you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
