from now on my penis is your penis
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
