we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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