Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
