I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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