eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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