I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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