So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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