Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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