Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
