***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
