Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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