she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
