She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
