On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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