What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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