i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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