She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
