What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
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Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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