piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
