Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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